Posted by: californiablogging | October 29, 2007

My grandfather is going kirvorkian on us.

It’s been almost a year since my grandmother passed. She had a damn hard time leaving. She’d been ready to die since my first conscious memory. I think her parents leaving her never was far from her mind. My grandfather was recently put on hospice. He was told he had to change his eating to soft foods in fear of respirating. I am not sure if that’s right but the fear was about food getting into his lungs. He’s not to keen on the idea of eating babyfood and pudding for the rest of his life.

He’s in his 90’s and everything functions at half capacity or lower. There is nothing to be done for him for most of his troubles. Somethings can be done but they just extend the time he has on baby food and constant blood test and monitors. He’s over it. He called my sister ( his favorite grandchild) he told her he was stopping his meds. No more tranfusions or rushes to the ER. IT’s hospice and pain meds and well, come next week to the exit plan meeting Exit plan? That is what I am calling it.

This man was always in charge. He worked in the Secret Service, So, I learned to climb steps in Washington DC. He worked for NASA. He took me in when I was abandoned. He ate my leftovers. He asked me questions that made me think beyond myself. He bought me a car.

I let my grandfather be angry with me because the truth would have hurt him more than being angry with me would. It’s one of the best things I ‘ve ever done. I trusted him to forgive me and he did. I almost never put myself in a situation where I need to trust someone. He is in the foundation of my heart. He carried me off of space mountain the first time I road it.

I still trust him. He is still in charge. He still knows best. He’s still a leader. I’ll be sending him my last care package this week. I have no idea what to put in it.



  1. “He ate my leftovers”

    Profound. I love that detail about him.
    I am so sorry he is sick, and yes, you are right, he knows what is best for him. Quality of life, not quantity.

    Sounds like a good man, your grandfather.

  2. I am so sorry, Jen. He is a special man.

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